Date: Sunday, 19 January
Stage: People's Choice Classic
Distance: 50 kilometers
Location: River Torrens, Adelaide
Start Time: 1915 hours local time
Weather: Sunny, warm, pleasant
Summary (according to the Santos Tour Down Under 2014 Media Guide): "A new city circuit awaits for the 2014 People's Choice Classic. The Peloton will travel around the River Torrens for this fast and furious 50 kilometer curtain-raiser. Expect strong performances as the riders test their legs. Fans will savour South Australia's renowned food and wine at the many restaurants, bars and cafes through Central Adelaide."
THREE THINGS THAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE FAKE RACE:
- Police accused one of Tubular Tommy's Pop-up Guerilla Sausage Sizzle's guests of inappropriate comments and lewd sausage waving.
- At the end of the race, before the start of the award ceremony, the event played Let it Roll by Flo Rida.
- At some point near the start/finish of today's fake race we chased down Graham Watson stalker/fanboy-style. What follows is a transcript of our conversation. Side Note: the following transcript may, and should, serve as a realtalk breakdown/synopsis of today's fake race.
MFS: Graham Watson, you don't know me, but I know you, I know that you are Graham Watson, I know that you are a preeminent cycling photographer, in fact I think you might be [air quotes] THE cycling photographer. Of like, our generation or whatever.
GW: No, no I'm not, I'm not THE cycling photographer.
MFS: Okay, okay I see. Would you accept: One of THE cycling photographers et cetera, et cetera.
GW: Hmmm, yeah, okay. One of THE, but not THE.
MFS: What do I need to know about today's stage?
MFS: Okay, so like what do we need to know about the character of today's race, what's happening, what's it all about?
GW: [continued silence and then] Nothing is happening, it's a one hour race.
MFS: Umm okay, but what's the point?
GW: There is no point, it's just a little warm-up for the rest of the week.